part 2

hi , i will continue what i said yesterday.besides , i have some problems and i didn't tell him as he is absent and am not used to tell.so, he thinks that i live in harmoney in comparaison with him.how can i bare a person who becomes silent when we discuss about what is going on. i know he is a good guy , he's helpful and patient , funny and has a big heart but the silence that what i hate on him.no answer.i can't anymore.i don't like his work but i accepted even he is far from me but i accepted cause he deserves but the only thing that never i can accept is to be deny it cause it's make a gap and kill your emotions it's right to be silent when the other is angry but not always we have to disscus our problrms and in order not to lose connexion as we are far from each other.he spent 3 weeks to 1 month without calling or sending sms and suddenly, he sent me sms as nothing happened and when i blame him he doesn't answer and leave me for another period as he's avoiding my discussing.so, am i wrong? does i have right to balme him for his absence and silence?have i right to se my life and leave him?.i don't know , am not prepered to live another relationship but there someone who i addmired for 8 years and i haven't seen him almost for 3 years and when i met him he becomes more and more attracted to me but just in silence.i don't want another experience i have suffred enough but i respect this guy so much and am fraid that he will tell me.i know one thing that i will be clear with him as am used to. i don't like to hide but i can't leave the other untill he says that cause i don't like to hurt anyone even it can cost me the chance to have a true love cause i have faith in my god he knows that never i can betrayel and it is better for me to stay alone than to betrayel.besides there is another one who want to married me , he told my mum and she agree but i refused for many reasons including what i said before even he seems to be a good guy but i don't want to be unfair with him even he believes in me but even he met me never dared to talk to me.i don't know something makes me afraid.am wrong to refuse someone seems to be good only because you don't like it or you have relationship or you feel unable to get married even you have 30.it is a sacred relationship , i prefer to be alone than just get married to saticfid the other , i want to be conviced even my choise can be wrong but it is my responsibility i can bare.i have faith in my god and in my inttention.i want just live in peace.i don't want to hurt anyone.